You Look Mah-ve-lous!
I've been observing a cultural phenomenon develop over the past year or so. Perhaps you've noticed it too? Social media, in many ways, has been both its genesis and breeding ground. In fact, it's darn near impossible to check Facebook these days without seeing at least one or two examples.
I don't believe an official clinical term has been assigned to this condition, but for the purposes of this blog entry I'll refer to it as hyper-complimentitus. Fortunately guys, it only infects women—so far, anyway.
You know what I'm talkin' about...it's when women blow more smoke up each other's skirts than a fog machine at a Kiss concert.
Now don't get me wrong; I'm all for the exchange of kind words The malady to which I refer, however, is something far, far beyond standard politeness. In essence, I'm describing a reality distortion twilight zone. And, from what I've witnessed, the zone grows geometrically the larger the group. It's as if women enter a giant accelerator where compliments are hurled back and forth at the speed of light until a sort of flattery fusion takes place.
Your hair is so unbelievably shiny...I've never seen your skin look healthier...That dress is utterly stunning on you...I wish my teeth were as white as yours...How in the world were you able to make those brussel sprouts so tasty; I must have the recipe...
Now, you might ask, could not some of that actually be true? Well, yes, but just like the Supreme Court's definition of pornography, hyper-complimentitus is recognizable (to a guy at least) when you see it. For example:
One woman to another: You are an absolute vision; what is your secret?
Male witness: Hmm, am I missing something? She's wearing a housecoat and facial cream.
Why have women created this alternate universe? Guys, are we not satisfying their needs? Stupid question. Of course we're not. But is it something more? Help me out here, will ya?
Ladies, maybe take it down a notch or two. Too much artificial sweeter is bad for you. I'm not suggesting that you channel Al Bundy when a friend asks you in the dressing room, 'Does this make me look fat?'
'It's the fat that makes you look fat' is probably not the best response. But maybe every now and then you could respond, 'It's not bad, but I think there are some other choices that would be more attractive.'
Don't send your girlfriend out into the world in a leopard-print jumpsuit all because of some misguided notion of friendship.
Just imagine if men did this.
Hey Muammar, I love that pillbox hat; it nicely complements the sash you're wearing...and it really brings out the sinister in your eyes.
Yo, Hosni, who colors your hair? You don't look a day older than when you, me, and Anwar used to hit the Cairo bar scene back in the 60's..
You know, perhaps I'm onto something. Maybe the Middle East and the rest of the planet would be a lot better place if we just indiscriminately threw around a heapin' helpin' batch of love?
To my male readers out there...you are the smartest, most sagacious and discerning subscribers a blogger could ever hope to have. I mean, seriously, what's it like to be so brilliantly astute? Your comments...wow...they simply blow me away with their insightfulness. I don't know who all of you are, but I'm certain that you're exceptionally handsome, impeccably dressed...and you smell good, too.
Submitted for your approval. Do do do do.
I don't believe an official clinical term has been assigned to this condition, but for the purposes of this blog entry I'll refer to it as hyper-complimentitus. Fortunately guys, it only infects women—so far, anyway.
You know what I'm talkin' about...it's when women blow more smoke up each other's skirts than a fog machine at a Kiss concert.
Now don't get me wrong; I'm all for the exchange of kind words The malady to which I refer, however, is something far, far beyond standard politeness. In essence, I'm describing a reality distortion twilight zone. And, from what I've witnessed, the zone grows geometrically the larger the group. It's as if women enter a giant accelerator where compliments are hurled back and forth at the speed of light until a sort of flattery fusion takes place.
Your hair is so unbelievably shiny...I've never seen your skin look healthier...That dress is utterly stunning on you...I wish my teeth were as white as yours...How in the world were you able to make those brussel sprouts so tasty; I must have the recipe...
Now, you might ask, could not some of that actually be true? Well, yes, but just like the Supreme Court's definition of pornography, hyper-complimentitus is recognizable (to a guy at least) when you see it. For example:
One woman to another: You are an absolute vision; what is your secret?
Male witness: Hmm, am I missing something? She's wearing a housecoat and facial cream.
Why have women created this alternate universe? Guys, are we not satisfying their needs? Stupid question. Of course we're not. But is it something more? Help me out here, will ya?
Ladies, maybe take it down a notch or two. Too much artificial sweeter is bad for you. I'm not suggesting that you channel Al Bundy when a friend asks you in the dressing room, 'Does this make me look fat?'
'It's the fat that makes you look fat' is probably not the best response. But maybe every now and then you could respond, 'It's not bad, but I think there are some other choices that would be more attractive.'
Don't send your girlfriend out into the world in a leopard-print jumpsuit all because of some misguided notion of friendship.
Just imagine if men did this.
Hey Muammar, I love that pillbox hat; it nicely complements the sash you're wearing...and it really brings out the sinister in your eyes.
Yo, Hosni, who colors your hair? You don't look a day older than when you, me, and Anwar used to hit the Cairo bar scene back in the 60's..
You know, perhaps I'm onto something. Maybe the Middle East and the rest of the planet would be a lot better place if we just indiscriminately threw around a heapin' helpin' batch of love?
To my male readers out there...you are the smartest, most sagacious and discerning subscribers a blogger could ever hope to have. I mean, seriously, what's it like to be so brilliantly astute? Your comments...wow...they simply blow me away with their insightfulness. I don't know who all of you are, but I'm certain that you're exceptionally handsome, impeccably dressed...and you smell good, too.
Submitted for your approval. Do do do do.
Laughed out loud.....blow more smoke up each other's skirts than a fog machine at a Kiss concert.
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Hilarious!
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Hey Master Blogger.....a little extra lovin never hurt anyone! Maybe a woman leader throwing around a few hugs in the Middle East would do some good. It certainly couldn't hurt! Seriously though, what harm does it do to "make someone's day", especially your galfriends? If you guys told your gals they look Mah-ve-lous every morning, the galfriends might not have hyper-complimentitus!!!
Great Blog....I couldn't stop laughing!
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Aaaahhhh, finally something to sink my teeth into. Oh, hang on, first going to get an espresso and turn up the music...
Ok, I'm ready now. First of all something about credibility and your readership. It's clear Chuck that you have no consistent left wing following. That's a given, but I have noticed that you do have a strong constituent of a few really smart females out there that give some great feedback on occasion which is cool. So my point is you've now completely pissed off and alienated both the liberal and female population of your readership. I praise your intestinal fortitude to do that in this blog cause I know Angie reads this and your dinner's are going to suck this week.
Onward. Men are from Bars, and FB was built for women from Venus. Seriously, we all know that FB originated as a pick up tool for guys in college. So it inherently optimizes for a female approach to sequential, subject matter commentorial. Have you ever noticed that "guy-talk", sarcasm, bad language, poor taste and P-un-C comments don't have a shelf life on Facebook. They just can't last because women will not allow men's generally bad behavior to exist on FB in any longevic, sustainable way. Try it ... you ultimately cannot have FB support ongoing standard male nonsense because it leaves a trail of accountability that sarcasm, bad jokes and insensitive wit just cannot survive. So OF COURSE, FB now surrenders itself to an "Oh does this dress make my ass look big?" approach to social media. It is absolutely philosophically BRILLIANT that you point this out.
I feel like a complete literary bailout on FB because I cannot say what I really mean, because the ground rules for participation have implicitly been set by people that don't like my bad sense of humor nor my sarcastic, glass half full of scotch (despite several years of actual abstention) approach to poking fun at human life in the world.
To me politics is simply an inevitable dog crap on the rug. It just has to happen because it can. The ONLY thing I like about politics is making fun of how ludicrous people act. Social media aka FB is another instantiation of political behavioral fishbowlism because it is continually a balance of people saying things in a way that only partially articulates their real point of view. Ultimately you just cannot say what you really mean on a public forum because it will either be understood correctly or it will be misconstrued, in either case you are in trouble for exercising free speech, however poor it may be. That's why women excel at ovecomplimentarianism and set unspoken ground rules and politically correct boundaries for what the social media repository will allow. Anyone who ignores those boundaries is at risk of having sarcasm, bad jokes, temporary bad judgment and generally meaningless commentary that we find momentarily entertaining come back and bite us in the butt. But it doesn't change the fact that the answer to the question about the dress is "YES".
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KingDaddy, you crack me up!
I neglected to point out that Hyper-Complimentitus or HC is the female equivalent of Erectile Dysfunction or ED. Both leave you limp and unfulfilled afterward. The only difference is the color of the pill--one is blue, the other pink.
And regarding your comment on our (males) general inability to say what we think on social media, remember that for us Facebook is just like Washington D.C....a gaffe is when you accidentally tell the truth.
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Egggggzactly ...
The pink pill or the blue bill NEO?
I'm just glad there's a pill to take to alter the reality that our little FB lives have embarked upon
Benjamin Franklin understood it all too well when he realized he had to disguise himself to be able to insert a sane opinion into the political process
signed...
Silence Dogood
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