Hot Dogs...and Other Weapons of Mass Destruction
There's a story out today that highlights the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) call to redesign hot dogs (and other foods) because they present a choking risk to children. Past Chairman, Dr. Gary Smith, is quoted: "Any food that has a cylindrical or round shape poses a risk." Clearly, and unabashed and unapologetic roundist of the worst sort.
Hot dogs, so the article says, account for 17% of food-related asphyxiations in children under the age of 10. Hmmm. I've seen Kobayashi down 50 or 60 of the suckers in a few minutes without nary a Heimlich maneuver. But, who am I to doubt the vaunted AAP? Who doesn't just prop little Billy up in his highchair, toss him a couple dogs, then head out to the backyard for a smoke? That's ok; isn't it?
Where will the government and other organizations stop in their continual and absurd effort to protect us from ourselves?
Could bundt cakes be in the cross hairs because hemorrhoid suffers may mistake them for inflatable donuts and bruise their tail bones?
Might pineapple upside down cake be under investigation because there is concern some may feel it necessary to stand on their head in order to eat it?
What about NY strip steaks? Perhaps they subliminally promote indecency and lead to a life of prostitution?
And, of course, everybody who saw the movie American Pie understands the temptation associated with the warm desert.
A little common sense can go a long way, people. Really, it can. Government doesn't have to insinuate itself into every aspect of our lives; even when the matter is something as "critical" as the shape of a hot dog.
If they insist on this further intrusion, I guess we can all look forward to the movie, Clear and Present Danger: The Hot Dog Files. Jack Ryan never had a tougher mission.
Spoiler alert: He kills his enemies by choking them with hot dogs.
Hot dogs, so the article says, account for 17% of food-related asphyxiations in children under the age of 10. Hmmm. I've seen Kobayashi down 50 or 60 of the suckers in a few minutes without nary a Heimlich maneuver. But, who am I to doubt the vaunted AAP? Who doesn't just prop little Billy up in his highchair, toss him a couple dogs, then head out to the backyard for a smoke? That's ok; isn't it?
Where will the government and other organizations stop in their continual and absurd effort to protect us from ourselves?
Could bundt cakes be in the cross hairs because hemorrhoid suffers may mistake them for inflatable donuts and bruise their tail bones?
Might pineapple upside down cake be under investigation because there is concern some may feel it necessary to stand on their head in order to eat it?
What about NY strip steaks? Perhaps they subliminally promote indecency and lead to a life of prostitution?
And, of course, everybody who saw the movie American Pie understands the temptation associated with the warm desert.
A little common sense can go a long way, people. Really, it can. Government doesn't have to insinuate itself into every aspect of our lives; even when the matter is something as "critical" as the shape of a hot dog.
If they insist on this further intrusion, I guess we can all look forward to the movie, Clear and Present Danger: The Hot Dog Files. Jack Ryan never had a tougher mission.
Spoiler alert: He kills his enemies by choking them with hot dogs.
Hilarious post. It's sure to be only a short time before a resourceful trial lawyer sinks his teeth into the lethal sausage industry for knowingly manufacturing deadly hotdog shapes.
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Thanks; glad you liked it. Doubly glad you commented!
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I am still laughing--seriously--as I write this reply to HOT DOGS. You 're sarcasm is hilarious!!
As I look back over the last 22 years of feeding seven grandchildren (eight including Heather), and count the hundreds of hot dogs and grapes I have cut up, I wonder how I ever managed to not asphyxiate anyone without my friendly government watchdog helping me with warning labels. Just lucky, I guess.
Anyhow, I really enjoyed this one.
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Hilarious,laughed so hard I choked on my Life Saver. Oscar Mayer may have to develop a hot dog with a retrieval string attached and provide an FDA approved instructional video.Curse the nanny state we live in. Forget the hot dog on a string Idea It would probably have to come with a Toxic Shock Syndrome warning label.
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Very good; I love the hot dog on a string concept. As soon as I read it, toxic shock immediately came to mind. Apparently, great minds think alike.
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Still laughing a week later! While I do agree with you about the government staying out of our personal lives, I recall a time when someone I know almost had to take their child to the emergency room to remove a pea from her nose. The parent apparently thought it would be funny to pretend the pea was coming out of the child's nose and was certainly not expecting the child to panic and suck the pea right on up her nostril! Maybe we need to put peas on a string also!
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Let me remind you that I was never convicted of that crime.
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